Your Winter
by Kurai Himitsu
Summary: Hatori's thoughts on Kana at the end of volume 2. Love, loss, and a promise. [oneshot]


**A/N:** Hey everone… I hope you like this…I just seemed to REALLY fit… You'll understand after you read it. By the way,as a rule, I normally only go by the manga version.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Fruits Basket_…or Sister Hazel's song, _Your Winter_… I'm afraid I never will… I'm not making any money either…

**Rating:** G

**Genre:** Angst!

**Warnings:** Spoiler for the second volume of the manga…you have been warned… (Does anyone even consider that a spoiler anymore though?)

**Main Characters:** Sohma Hatori…his thoughts on Kana…

_Your Winter_

I sighed; it was another dreary, gray winter morning on the Sohma estate. I hated it. I hate winter…it reminds me, painfully, of her…of Kana… She had loved snow…loved days like this because of the gift they promised. In turn, I have grown to hate them with all my aching heart. It was on a day just like this one that I left…that we parted…

_Grey ceiling on the earth _

_Well, it's lasted for a while_

_Take my thoughts for what they're worth_

_I've been acting like a child_

_Your opinion_

_What is that?_

_It's just a different point of view…oh…_

"_Oh yeah! May I ask you a question? When snow melts, what does it become!_" I had thought she was making fun of me somehow…a trick question… I was wrong…it was an innocent a question as she was…

I remember my answer… "_It becomes water, of course._" Now that I look back at our points of view I understand how precious her innocence was…

"_Wrong!_" she had cried, laughing. "_It becomes spring!_" She was right…but my tears have not yet turned to joy…

_What else_

_What else can I do?_

_I said I'm sorry_

_And I'm sorry…oh…_

_I said I'm sorry_

_But what for?_

_If I hurt you_

_Then I hate myself_

_Don't wanna to hate myself_

_Don't wanna to hurt you_

I…I should have known what would happen… I…I should never have allowed her to fall in love with me…myself likewise… The only thing that came from it at all was pain…there was happiness as well, but at what cost had it been attained? To this day, I still don't know if what I did was right; if it was truly love and not a selfish desire to be near her that kept me from ending it sooner…less painfully… Even when it tore at her heart to look at me, she stayed near…she chose me over happiness… I didn't understand…but it broke something deep inside of me… I loved her too much to let her fall apart…and I still love her…

_Why do you choose your pain?_

_If you only knew_

_How much I love you_

_Love you_

I couldn't handle being the cause of her pain…being its center. I couldn't bear the knowledge that I was slowly killing her inside and out…

"_What's hurting her right now is her memories of you. Her love for you._"

Akito was right… So I did as he suggested… I erased our love from her memories, I erased the memories I held dear to me, I erased myself from her life… I would never hurt her again…

_Well, I won't be your winter_

_And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry_

_And we can be forgiven…oh yea…_

_And I will be here…yea…_

_Oh yeah…_

I don't know why…why I keep that old picture… Every time I see it, I can't help but think of how it used to be…how it could have been… I suppose that loosing her was my punishment…my retribution for all the lives I'd hurt…Yuki's…Momiji's…

I'll keep that picture till I die though… No matter how painful it is to look at… No matter how much I want to forget the pain of loosing her… I know one thing is certain; I'll never want to forget her, even if it means I must suffer for the rest of my life…

_The old picture on the shelf_

_It's been there for a while_

_Frozen image of ourselves _

_We were actin' like a child_

_Innocent and in a trace _

_A dance that lasted for a while…oh…_

Oh God…I just pray that she finds someone who truly deserves her love, who'll return it better than I ever could… Just…just let her be happy…

"_I'm…happy I met you, Hatori._"

I don't care if I'm never happy again…as long as she can find love…and peace… Let me rot…for me to die surrounded by snow would be better than to have her in pain and sorrow.

_You read my eyes just like your dairy_

_Oh remember_

_Please remember…oh_

_Well I'm not a beggar_

_But once more_

_Well, if I hurt you_

_Then I hate myself_

_I don't wanna to hate myself_

_Don't wanna to hurt you_

I feared the same thing would happen to Tohru… I wouldn't be able to bear watching it happen all over again… Kana…Tohru…they both have innocence… They both take the world as it is, and see it as it isn't… they make it seem as if there is an up to every down, a high to every low… That every glass is half full, that every cloud has a silver lining… That in itself, is more precious than gold…

_Why do you choose that pain?_

_If you only knew_

_How much I_

_Love you_

_No_

I couldn't protect Kana…but I swear that this time… The same fate will not befall Tohru… I will not let her suffer as Kana did… Tohru… Yuki… Kyo… I couldn't protect myself or Kana…but I will not let Akito hurt you three as well… This I promise…

_Well, I won't be your winter_

_And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry_

_And we can be forgiven_

_And I will be here…oh…_

Kana…I miss you with all my heart…all my soul… When I saw you that day, you looked so much like you did back then… I hope you are happy…with him… Perhaps I am cursed…trapped forever in the Sohma cage…but you can still live on…

_No_

_Well, I won't be your winter_

_Oh yeah_

_And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry_

_And we can be forgiven_

_I know_

_I will be here_

Kana…live on… Live for me… Please, be happy…for the both of us… And I…I won't cause you any more pain…

_Well, I won't be your winter_

_I won't_

_And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry_

_If we can't be forgiven_

_Oh I know_

_Well I won't be here…_

But Kana…I…I won't be your winter…

/_Owari_\\\

**A/N:** There... Believe it or not, I wrote this after I read the 3rd book... Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. (See? Didn't I tell you the song fit! Almost too well...) In any case, please, **review**!


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